Thursday, March 11, 2010


This sounds like a serious entry but it's really not... Unfortunately the last couple of days I have been dealing with a little girl with some serious ear issues... She got an ear infection two weeks ago and the antibiotic wasn't strong enough. So today I took her back to the doctor and they prescribed another medication... Hopefully this one will help her feel better... She certainly fell asleep tonight much better than the last couple. But then, if she is as tired as I am from being up with her I can't blame her for needing a little extra sleep. I've realized that one of the secrets of being a parent is that from the moment you become pregnant you never REALLY sleep again... At least not like you used to!!!! :)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Infertility vs. Birth Control

I know I can't be only person to ever think of this. So I think in the next few days I will do a little research and see if there are any statistics. After experiencing three excruciating years of infertility and hearing other women's painful stories I have begun to wonder if there have ever been studies done that show a rise in infertility coinciding with the rise in the use of birth control. As a reasonable responsible person I see the necessity of birth control. It gives women freedom that previous to the 1960's they never had. I like to think it also helps keep the number of abortions performed down further than the atrocious numbers already show. However, I also wonder if the creation of the pill has ever been considered as causing harm unknowingly to women who plan to have children eventually but aren't ready yet. By taking the pill, doctors will tell you, (if you ask because it seems to me doctors aren't very forthcoming with information anymore assuming that if you want to know you will ask or read the minuscule writing that comes on the little paper in the little tiny box), that after stopping the pill it could take up to a year to conceive. In fact, doctors won't consider you as having any fertility issues until you have tried getting pregnant for at least a year. Why have we accepted this fact as being acceptable? Men don't take Viagra and wait a year for results. So why do women who are trying to be responsible have to wait a year to 'see if there are issues other than having been on a contraceptive'? Now some women have no trouble at all. But it seems anymore that if I were to go into a room of women I'll bet that one in five AT LEAST would have a story to tell about the difficulty getting pregnant or the inability to get pregnant at all. And while I would never feel comfortable asking, I have always wanted to ask, did you take birth control? And if so, for how long? Because it is my opinion that if birth control is affected a women's fertility (other than temporarily) then it is not being advertised openly. I also see that young girls, the poor, the uneducated, and all other subset of women that would be less likely to be on birth control (or use it properly) seem to not have any issues having child after child. I'm not even saying this to be judgemental socially but I wonder if there is a science behind it. This is an issue that I have thought about in great detail. I think I will revisit it in a few weeks after actually doing a little research to see if it has any substance. Until then, Mommies out there enjoy your little ones and say a little prayer for those who want a child more than anything and may never have their deepest wish.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Men are Funny Little Creatures...

So, why is it when we tell ourselves we are going to do something, that it becomes that much harder to get done? If I just decide impulsivly to dust, it gets done quickly and and I feel great afterwards. If I decide first thing in the morning that the house needs dusted, I seem never to actually get to it and promise myself that I will do it tomorrow. And the funny thing is I do it all the time. However, more times than not, when I tell myself that, I have the self discipline to get it done. Nothing makes me angrier faster though, then when my husband does the same thing. He can tell me he's going to do something and a week later it still is undone. How then, ladies out there do we motivate our men to do their 'chores'? Sex can't be the ultimate motivator. Sometimes that just isn't in the cards. So the time old question is how to get men to do what we want them to do without bribary.... Another unanswerable question of mine. I've tried the, well if he doesn't care, then I don't do it either and he'll see how fast things get messy. But men are so adaptable, they can live in any environment and make it work. As a father, my husband hasn't only played the lazy husband card but has gotten in the habit of pointing out to me when our daughter has done something that needs attended to as well. For example, she will spit up and my husband will say, "oh she spit up, you better get that." Ummmm. He saw her do it but I need to come across the room and wipe it up because it's gross? Why do men assume that we automatically are responsible for anything disgusting? When we are sick, we are still responsible for keeping house, and taking care of the kids. IF he's sick, the world stops turning, and I better be ready to wait on him hand and foot because there is no way I have ever felt as bad as he does. Well such is life and I didn't mean to turn this entry into a whine fest rather than to giggle out loud at the funny expectations that men have of women. And after making that statement, where do men get those ideas? Does it go back to the saying that men marry women who subconsiously remind them of their mothers therefore they expect those same women to take care of them the way the mothers always have? These are just a few thoughts I have regarding the highly irrational expectations men have of their significant others... I love hearing these stories and trying to make sense of them. When the probable conclusion is that men don't make sense. So why try?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Miracle Baby

Today I thought I would share a picture of my amazing miracle baby. She is my pride and joy and basically the best thing that has ever happened to me. The doctor said I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and here she is. She is my overall inspiration in life and keeps me going when I am down. I know that as a mother I take care of her but in her way she takes care of me too. Somehow she knows when I need a hug, a kiss, quiet or loud distraction. I've had some rough times lately. I recently had a miscarriage and without her it would have been completely unbearable. There are still days when it hits me that I lost my little baby and Charlotte always seems to know where my mind has gone and distracts me with her love. I don't like to dwell on it but it sneaks up on me when I don't expect it. Last night I saw one of my best friends who is pregnant and was just a few weeks ahead of me in her gestation and though I didn't think about it before I saw her it totally smacked me in the face when I did. And though I'm completely happy for her, it just made me sad for me. So today I don't have much to say as a result of an attempt to shut my brain down. And just like I said, perfect timing, Charlotte needs me now. So here I go.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Driving Blind

Has anyone else ever been driving along and totally zone out? One minute you are rocking out to the radio, listening the the baby in the backseat, the next you shake your head and think, 'crap where am I? Did I miss my turn?' Well it happens to me all the time. So I have been comparing this experience a little to my life sometimes. There are always specific moments in time that stick out in my memory and then the rest seems a blur. Like I totally just had my twenty sixth birthday for heavens sake. I don't know how that happened. One minute I graduate highschool, I hardly remember college, now I'm married with a baby headed for thirty. Some days I feel as old as dirt, then others I cannot believe where the time has gone. So my point in thinking about all of this, is that I want more memory and a little less zoning out. I'm not sure how to go about this. I'm not unhappy with my life. Actually quite the opposite really. I have a most of the time really wonderful husband, an adorable daughter and we live on a farm that I only dreamed about when I was a little girl. So how to make each day count? I don't really go for the whole Tim McGraw line, "Live like you are Dying", because quite frankly, I am uncomfortable with death. I don't like thinking about it. I don't like talking about it. And I hate funerals. But that's getting a little off topic. So back to my original thought. How do I make my time here count? Well I've come to the conclusion that I don't have an answer. But I'm certainly going to continue thinking about it and try to figure out a partial answer that I'm comfortable with. Right now, all I have is to stop making myself wait for things that I feel are important. For example, I have ALWAYS wanted to own a golden retriever dog. It is at the top of my list to own one as soon as I find one that fits my criteria and budget. Yes I already own animals. Yes I have a baby. But you know what? I don't want to have things like that left undone. It's a simple of solution. Maybe that's not a good example. But it's all I have for now. Well, I think that is really all I have for today. It's that time of year where the sun is starting to return from it's long winter break so I think I need to go enjoy it while it's out. I've missed it. Last note for the day, find something that you've wanted to do, have, or along those lines and get it done. Make a little more memories for yourself and a little less zoning out. Don't miss your turn.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Starting a Blog: I Have Thoughts

So I am starting a blog. I have to admit my curiosity in this new trend began after watching Julie and Julia. I'm sure the number of blogs written has risen since this film was produced. I think the moment I felt like maybe I could write one myself is when Julie comes home from visiting in friends and tells her husband, "I could write a blog. I have thoughts." My husband watched part of that movie with me for once. Usually he falls asleep immediately on movie night. This time he had made it through maybe the first half. But a few days later he did tell me he thought I should do it. I asked why and he said I get enough comments on facebook that people like to read what I write. Lame reason but it got me thinking. Even if people didn't read it, I would at least have an outlet for my thoughts througout the day. I am a stay at home mother. Because it is true. I do have thoughts. And except for my seven month old who I love dearly, I am alone quite frequently. So here goes... Day One of Blogging. And by the way, I am sure people are wondering about the name I have chosen. Tilly is a nickname I occasionally am called by and Mommy is what I get called most so combined I have created my own pseudonym. Aren't I clever?